Once upon a time there was a girl named Nancy.
Nancy loved to hike. In fact, she would spend all her time in the mountains if she could.
Sadly, Nancy had something called a day job, and it often kept her far, far away from the mountains.
When Nancy was finally able to get back to her beloved mountains, a stone’s throw from the mystical land of Las Vegas, she rushed to hike up Cathedral Rock.
This was a mistake because on that day, Cathedral Rock was too hot!
Learn from Goldilocks, Nancy told herself, let’s skip the “too cold” trail and head straight to the hike that’s “just right”. So she did.
And Bristlecone Trail was just right. Complete with magical horses, shade and quiet.
As much as she loved hiking, Nancy wanted to try new things. But what type of activity, she wondered, can I participate in without melting in the 118F desert heat?
Why, kayaking of course!
And despite never having been in a kayak before, Nancy threw caution to the wind and took her first paddle on one of the biggest waterways in the United States, the Colorado River.
With steely determination, she willed herself to stay upright and not tip that kayak over.
I can do this, she told herself. And she did, for over 2 hours!
She wrapped up the trip with a concentration-fueled victory pose.
Unfortunately, Nancy had to focus on her day job again. This meant driving to Orange County, in California, for some business meetings.
Four long hours later, Nancy had arrived at Newport Beach, where she immediately threw off her shoes and took a nice long beach walk. She was so happy to see the ocean and feel the crunch of the wet sand between her toes that she forgot to snap a single picture.
She did work up an appetite though, so straight to a restaurant she went. The tapas were lovely, and small enough to warrant dessert.
Get in my belly, she commanded those little chocolate donuts with Crème Anglaise, I’ve earned you, with all my hiking, kayaking, beach walking and such.
After her business meetings, Nancy decided to take a day off from her day job and take a detour through Palm Springs.
Palm Springs held many delights that warmed Nancy’s heart: art galleries, kitchy home furnishings, and one extra special must-have thing…
Yes, a giant, inflatable, rubber ducky.
Nancy knew this rubber ducky needed to move to Toronto to live with her, so she snapped it up right away. At $79.99, it was a steal, she told herself.
After a lovely day in Palm Springs, it was straight back to her Las Vegas home. Unfortunately, the day job was calling, and this meant having to travel all the way back to her Toronto home.
At first Nancy felt sad. The trip had flown by in the flash of an eye. That was when her trusty sidekick, Mr. Enthusiasm, surprised her with a little bit of Vegas right there in her own backyard.
Nancy was absolutely certain that her neighbours would just LOVE IT, seeing as how they had already commented about how “bright” her outdoor furnishings were.
Yeah, I just checked, and I have no fucks left to give, Nancy mused. while admiring her bright yellow and turquoise decor.
Once the neon sign and the rubber ducky had both settled in, it was time for Nancy to show that duck who was boss.
Try as she might though, Nancy could not master the mounting and riding of that duck.
Always up for a challenge, she vowed to make this happen.
Duck, I will make you my bitch, Nancy told herself. And the duck.
Then, finally, with her family cheering her on, Nancy owned that duck.
And she lived happily ever after.
Until she had to fly to New Orleans for 6 days of business, that is. But, as Nancy knows all too well, what happens in New Orleans, stays in New Orleans, so you just have to imagine what may or may not have gone on there.
The end.
Keep moving,
xoxo nancy
Judging by the look on Duck’s face, he seems to be enjoying it!
That duck knows who’s boss.
I think you have the perfect setting there for a blogging bash where we can all take turns riding your duck. I’ve never been to Vegas, but there has been talk recently about going…if and when that happens, I am going to hunt you down (actually no need, I will just look for your neon sign) and we will make memories like they’ve never been made before. Maybe in a kayak. Definitely on your mountains. Seriously, Nance, your writing and humor just keeps getting better and better. Now spill the beans on what happened in New Orleans – you know better than to tease your readers like that…
The backyard photos, including the neon sign, are in Toronto, Kelly. Our place in Vegas is a condo, but we do have 2 spare bedrooms, so I’m sure we could accommodate a blogging bash. The more the merrier!
Re:: NOLA – nope. I only tell NOLA stories 3+ years after the actual visit. I’m now sharing stories of my 2010 trip. This 2015 trip won’t make the story round until at least 2018. To protect the innocent, you understand. 🙂
Okay – 3 years for NOLA stories and 5 for the others?! Well, it will keep me reading that’s for sure lol
Some stories are worth waiting for. 🙂
They’re always entertaining, that’s for sure. xoxo
merci beaucoup!
Nancy masters the duck! Yay! You know how to live life, I’ll give you that.
And now I want a big, yellow duck.
Nancy owned that duck! 😀
p.s. You, too, can have a giant yellow duck. http://www.sunnylife.com/inflatables/ In fact, it looks like the company that makes them sells them direct/online cheaper than what I paid in Palm Springs!
Of course, then the question arises of where I’d put the thing. No pool for me. Guess I could plop it in the front yard. Nothing like an introvert attracting attention to herself.
I’m sure your neighbours will love it as much as mine do. 😛
No doubt they would…
You could buy the giant pink flamingo inflatable, too. They’d make super cute bookends on your front lawn!
Ha, I think the neighbors would take up a petition to have me tossed out of town.
Haha!
Love it – and love how you combined all of those stories!!
My goal was sub-500 words, which I didn’t achieve, but I’m still pretty happy that I’m finally relatively caught up on the goings on of the past 5 weeks or so. 🙂
I liked it! 🙂 That’s all that really matters of course!
It’s all about you, Kate! 🙂
I had no idea that N’awlins had the same vow of silence rule as Vegas. In fact I thought that everything that happened there ended up on Girls Gone Wild videos…
On the other hand I do have a t-shirt that says “What happens in Vermont, stays in Vermont…(but nothing ever happens in Vermont)” 😀
OMG, Norm! NOLA is the worst for debauchery! Puts Vegas to shame! And, heh, you’re right – what happens in NOLA usually ends up in a Girls Gone Wild video. True dat. Still, def one of my favourite cities! Love the food, the music, the architecture, the people. J’adore!
I love this story! it is interesting and has a heroine I can relate to!
and also a large yellow duck, who is awesome!!
I also believe you have a penchant for yellow water going vessels 🙂
Bahahaha! I hadn’t even noticed that both the duck and the kayak were yellow! Good catch, detail-attentive friend!
I thought maybe it was your yellow kayak experience that led you to the door of the duck 😀
That could well be. Kismet!
That is it, you will forever use yellow water vehicles from now on 🙂
And yellow sun shading equipment too 🙂
YES! (Although the 2 small umbrellas by the pool chairs are a bright turquoise, as is the large rectangular umbrella over the dining table (not seen in the pic). So, truly, I could go either way with sun-shading equipment. 🙂
Hmmm ok, just water vehicles then 🙂
It is the same as they way I always buy houses with yellow living rooms 🙂
No way! Really?
Yep! All the houses we have bought (3) have all had yellow living rooms when we bought them! And when we bought our current house I knew as soon as we walked in to the yellow room that we would buy it 🙂
Awesome!
i think so…
according to mark this is not why we bought the house and there were much more logical reasons…apparently!!
I’m not buying that for one second. I know it’s because of the yellow living room.
It totally was 😀
How admirable! I tried kayaking once and failed. I could not make the thing go in the right direction. I’m spatially challenged… 😦
The only moment I was in a near-panic was when the wind picked up out of nowhere. Try as I might, I couldn’t make headway on rowing up river back to the docks because the wind kept pushing me farther down river. That was slightly worrying.
I’d have totally freaked out…!
I was talking to myself – out loud – the entire time. “Turn, turn, turn, turn, TURRRRNNNN”
me too!!!
Phew, I’m not alone 🙂
Lol, I love this! Mmm, those chocolate donuts look delicious!
They were decadent!!
They do love amazing! And I knew the duck wouldn’t stand a chance against you 😉
I made that duck my bitch.
No better woman 😉
you are so funny!
🙂 That duck was pissing me off!
{singing … slightly off-key} Rubber Ducky, you’re the one … you make splash-time so much fun, Rubber Ducky I awfully fond of you …..
Hahahaha! Yep, that’s his theme song!
btw – great picture of you on your ducky. I think this makes you a Duchess now 😉
I’ll take it!
I now present you…her highness… Nancy, Duchess of Sweat. 🙂
I like it. It has a nice ring to it 😉
Hope Gilles did great in his race!
It was a tough day Nancy. The winds were rather stiff and make the swim extremely challenging.
Overall, he had a pretty decent race considering the wind conditions, but he said it was the most difficult Ironman he’s ever done … and this was #18.
My biggest sister-sister fight involved one kayak, two crabby 20 somethings and a *** river in Missouri. I’ve forgotten which river but still remember the yelling. Yikes! Fortunately we’ve had plenty of happier excursions to help soften the rough start. 🙂 Great recap!
Oh I’m not sure I could have handled a tandem kayak. I saw one couple in one, and they were yelling at each other something awful. 🙂
Yep, something about the tandem brings out the worst in people. 🙂 That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…
Ha! I get it.I’m way too much a control freak to do well in a tandem anything: kayak, bike, whatever. 🙂
Nancy, I love your life. And obviously you do too. 🙂
Day job must be pretty ok, especially if it keeps you furnished with neon and giant inflatables. ❤
No complaints (most days), Martha. The WFH flexibility is the absolute best thing. Especially when the H in WFH could be Toronto or Vegas. And so for every 4am wakeup to take a 6am flight somewhere for a business meeting, I’ll take it – given that most days I get to work in my PJs or yoga gear. 🙂
Oh hell yes. Also I am a moron and it took me a minute to figure out WFH. I thought it was a new euphemism like WTF. What fresh hell maybe?? Haven’t had my coffee yet today!
Hahaha! WFH is a big, big thing for those of us who aren’t self-employed. I’ve had the really great fortune of being able to do it while in a management position in my last two large corporate gigs. Pretty amazing, that.
Oh I am sure! Especially with you traveling so much. It has to be nice to be able to at least get some time to be home even if it is working!
Totally!
Sensi master! You have conquered the duck. I must say that the expression on the ducks face is one of complete joy. 🙂 BTW, I’ve always wanted to kayak. Is it difficult? It looks as though they would flip over easily.
That duck is such a punk-ass. So damned tippy. Unless you are at the exact center of gravity, that bad boy flips backwards and you’ve got a nose full of pool water. It took many, many attempts, but once I landed right on that perfect center point, I was able to withstand a tidal wave (hubby and son creating massive waves with their boogie boards slamming up and down on the water).
The kayaking was awesome! I’m actually considering buying a pair for hubby and I to use here at home in Toronto, since we live so close to the lake. I’ll definitely do it again when I’m back in Vegas. It was an awesome workout. My arms burned like mo-fos the day after.
re: tippy-ness — it’s actually not too bad. I think the hardest part is getting in and out of the thing. Once you’re in, I think you have to be really unlucky to tip it. (Although one asian kayaker did tip his while I was out that day. I got so stressed for him. I have no idea how you’d get back in once you’re on open water. I could barely get in on the dock…
Pool water up the nose is awful! Almost as bad as a carbonated beverage up ones nose. Yes, I’ve had the dubious privilege of having tanqueray and tonic enter my body via my nose instead of my mouth. At the most inopportune moments, too.
I envision my kayak spinning continually in the lake while I gurgled and screamed. Quite embarrassing. Back to the duck – yes, a punk ass, but I swear he’s smiling! Those floats are not too stable and are tricky to get on.
The challenge is that he is both tall and wide, so it’s nearly impossible to swing your leg up high enough to get it over his “shoulder”, but if you don’t, you tip it over because he’s so finicky on center of gravity. Getting on that bastard is a workout in itself.
Not to mention the danger of falling off and whacking your head off of the side of the pool.
You just nailed it! That’s the absolute risk. The best position to get on is at the pool steps, but they are concrete (in my case) and if you fall in the wrong direction, your head is banging against unforgiving concrete. The danger is there. The struggle is real. 🙂
It is very real. I wouldn’t even attempt it. Right now, I’m content to go to the pool with my thong.
Well, you won’t be faulted for having tan lines, that’s for sure.
QOL ~> quacking out loud!
Quack, Quack, Quack . . . they call her the Quacker!
My favorite line: Yeah, I just checked, and I have no fucks left to give, Nancy mused. while admiring her bright yellow and turquoise decor.
Bahahaha! I’m glad you got a kick out of that! I take pride in very few things, but my eye for interior (and exterior) design is one of the things I’m pretty sure I’m good at. When my neighbour dropped that passive aggressive line on me, I looked over at his disheveled front and back lawns and smiled. 🙂
Haha I loved that story. Nice way to tell us what’s been going down. Love it. And 10pts for Mr E because that sign is the bomb!
I know, right??? I love my brash and loud neon! Neighbours be damned! 🙂
Love it…. I can always count on Nancy for an entertaining post 😆
😀 Glad to oblige!
Oh my God, Nancy! This made my day. I love your story about this Nancy character and how you told it. She sounds so badass, especially riding the ducky. Keep riding! 🙂
She’s not feeling particularly badass today. Still sitting in the clothes she slept in last night, ass planted on a chair, eyes glazing over from staring at PowerPoint all day, and nowhere near finished. Also crying uncontrollably because she has an 8:30 am flight tomorrow and ‘deep dive’ business review with her new boss an hour after she lands. Some days it’s not so glamorous to live the life of that character Nancy.
Sending you strength and virtual caffeine so that you can make it through your next travel. xo
Thank you lovely. I need it. Yawn.
Very fun story, I’m loving the rubber ducky, found out about it through Brickhouse 🙂
There was no way I was leaving that store without that rubber ducky! Now I’m thinking of ordering the giant pink flamingo too. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
ok, that was awesome, Nancy! What a great summary/story that covered it all. Well except the New Orleans part. I totally agree, there must be a statute of limitations on revealing what goes on there. I still don’t talk about the year I lived there when I was 23. 😀
Now, I wonder if I can blog our whole trip of a month and a half in 500 words or less? Maybe if I also included 500 of the 8 million pictures I took! HA!
Now THAT would be a feat, wouldn’t it! Can’t wait to read about it!
No fucks left to give… great line. Now that’s a story, dude. I am going to go mount a duck myself, although you really do it with style. Who kind of silly buggers tells people their outdoor furnishings are too bright? I mean, the nerve.
I love Palm Springs. I lived in New Orleans. I think I love your life.
You LIVED in NOLA??? I’m so jelly!! Love, love, love that town!
For like one whole summer… I don’t know if that qualifies as living… but I loved it. Still love it. Been before and after Katrina and hate what happened… there are so many parts that have been left to rot. But the vibe’s still there.
I was so grateful when I saw that Katrina was not impacting the Quarter, but was heartbroken when I visited some of the poor parishes, post Katrina, and saw that they were indeed rotting, years later. Still the same today. 😦
I know… whole areas just fallen down, and forgotten. I took a trip through the bayou, you can see the water marks of where the sea came in… buried boats and sunken shacks everywhere… and people seem to have just let all that carnage soak into the background. Maybe there’s no other way to handle it. But yeah, walking in the quarter and speaking French, and the music and drinking in the street – still wonderful. Spooky hot jazzy city of my dreams.
Mine too. J’adore.
Yay for a variety of lovely activities! We just talked with my husband about how much fun it would be to give kayaks a go next summer, our children might be big enough to paddle for a bit on a calm river next to… those pics sure are tempting.
And super Yay for mounting the duck! 😀
I’m in love with kayaking now. So peaceful! And a great workout too!
My parents (and therefore me too) did a lot of kayaking when I was 8-18 or so. First I liked it but as a teenager it was too lame 🙂 We got a bit back to it before kids with my husband but the thought of having a baby on board put that hobby on hold 😉 soon…
I need, need, need that duck. What an excellent purchase, and I always knew you’d own that thing. Loved reading about your hikes and your fearless mastery of the kayak. I’m sure I’ve told you, but please eat at Peche if you go to NOLA again.
I didn’t get to a single favourite restaurant this trip. Every hour of every day was booked with military precision. It just made me resolve to get back there again for a personal getaway.
Hey Nancy! Are you crazy? Anyone who can NEVER goes to Palm Springs this time of year….that’s exactly why I am miles away and at the beach. Sorry to miss you though. But I’m also bound and determined to go kayaking myself here on the coast in the next week or two. Not sure I’ll make it for 2 hours but I do plan to make it happen. On the other hand, I will NEVER get me one of those duckies! ~Kathy
Nah, P.S. was hopping. Tons of folks out and about, on a Thursday, in July. We’re made of hearty stock. (Plus, it was no warmer than Vegas, so I was acclimated.)
You’re definitely not on the popular side of the duck vote. Everyone else is coveting my duck. 🙂
Great stories Nancy! I could read more of these 🙂 I love your colorful outdoor décor, and the duck fits right in!
My colourful decor is perfect in my kitchy mid century modern home. My neighbour clearly has no taste. 😀
Clearly not! You should tell them to wear sunglasses if the décor is too bright for them.
Brilliant suggestion!
Holy shit, what a fun post! You got a couple of cackles out of me sitting here in Starbucks. Congrats on making the rubber ducky your bitch. Ha! But I want to see those pictures of New Orleans. Peace, John
Never! My lips are sealed re: NOLA!
Great story! haha…and New Orleans! Would love to hear about that one. We have an inflatable dolphin that I have yet to conquer…I suggest that be your next one to buy. lol! 🙂
I don’t know…I’m pretty stuck on the gaudy pink flamingo. The dolphin will come after that one. 🙂
Conquering mountains, kayaks, and ducks! You SERIOUSLY know how to ‘hard core’ live it up !! 🙂
#beastmode #badass #SmugAsShit 🙂
Hahaha!!
This is one of the most charming–and chokingly funny–adult fairy tales I’ve read. Period. We meet our hero, our hero experiences a situation which could potentially alter her circumstances, our hero is resistant to change, faces challenges, crosses over into the “extraordinary world” (that would be the duck), faces her bleakest moment (again the duck) and draws from her well of courage to conquer all in the end.
It’s perfect.
You are my hero.
Had there been any photos of the 50+ attempts that resulted in a head-over-tail flip and a nose-full of chlorinated water, I would have shared them. That was a hard-fought win over that duck! 🙂
Aw I love your writing! Very funny and such a pleasure to read!
How very kind of you to say! Thanks!
That was such an entertaining read. Your decor looks fabulous! And kayaking for the first time and you didn’t even flip upside down once?! Wow, that’s an achievement I’d say lol since that’s my fear ! 😛
I loved reading the post Nancy 🙂
Hope your week ahead is fantastic
Zee ❤
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comment!
It was a pleasure Nancy 🙂
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