I know, I know… but how can you get smacked in the face with so much booty-liciousness and NOT compare it to your woefully inadequate butt???
source: JLo’s twitter feed
JLo tweeted this photo out last week and I’ve been crying ever since, promoting her upcoming album release, Booty.
But she did more than just share a picture of her perfect, luscious booty. She taunted us.
Read the all-hashtag tweet accompanying the photo.
Go ahead, move your eyes AWAY from the booty and look at the list of hashtags to the side. You can do it.
#naturalbooty
Uh…okay Ms. #BootyFromTheBlock, let’s go with that.
Look, I’m not disputing that her booty is the one she was born with, making it, by definition, natural. But, please don’t tell me that the perfection depicted in this shot wasn’t helped along the way by some very good lighting and a lot of editing and touch-ups.
Still, all the good lighting and touch-ups in the world wouldn’t make my ass look like this, so she wins regardless. Bitch.
I wonder how many lunges JLo does every day?
Here is the sneak preview for the video for Booty. Watch it and weep.
Even if I was able to make my booty look like hers, through implants, eleventy billion squats, black magic or a deal with the devil, there is no way I could make it shake like hers. She wins again. Bitch.
Keep moving (because maybe one day the bubble butt will finally make an appearance!)
xoxo nancy
my year of sweat 
bombshell bottom challenge round 2?
:-p
(not that I found it made that much difference to my bum…my quads got bigger though…)
Exactly – I saw more results in my quads than in my butt. (Can’t call it a booty until I get more junk in the trunk.)
I think the weighted squats probably help more than just a kajillion regular squats. need to get back to StrongLifts ASAP!
I think you are right 🙂
I have totally lost interest in challenges where I just do a lot more of the same thing…
weighted squats to the rescue…
just don’t do what I did…test the height of the bail out bars on the squat rack by squatting down so low that the bar hit them and put you so off balance they you couldn’t get back up…
it is off putting to be sitting on the floor in a squat rack laughing with your personal trainer also laughing at you 😀
(it was a test with only the bar too…)
Oh my! How did Matt not get video of THAT?? 🙂
he knows I might kill him 😀
Oh, but you’d be a Youtube sensation!! 🙂
yes…
that has been my lifelong ambition after all…
:-p
It would be between:
*you stuck beneath your bar
*Charlie bit my finger
*double-rainbow dude
*Just leave Britney alone!
that’s some stiff competition, but I’m thinking you might have a shot at coming out on top. 🙂
:-p
(yes that is my witty and well thought out response)
😀
The world is unfair. I don’t have boobs and now JLo reminds me that I also don’t have a booty.
How does all that flesh stay in that one spot??
But J Lo doesn’t have a postcard on the way from Latvia 😉 Sucks to be her 😉
I’m sure she will die from envy!
She probably isn’t aware of this fact 😉 She may survive to shake her aging booty for another day 😉
Small mercies.
She doesn’t even know how lucky she is 😉
Bitch.
Yep yep! 😉
Jhanis, do you have postcards from Toronto or Las Vegas yet? If not, I can provide those. 🙂
Vegas yes, Toronto not yet! 🙂
Email me your address and a postcard will arrive shortly. 🙂
Maybe if Jenny from the block didn’t have countless dollars and hours to appropriate to her derrière, she’d look like everyone else.
Or maybe it’s just crazy good genetics. I’m just amazed that some woman can have such a fleshy backside and be so tiny everywhere else. Look at that horrid Kardashian chick, for instance. Her ass is 3X as big as mine, but she has a 25 inch waist. How is that even possible??
Photoshop. 🙂 They both have too much back. I like proportion. More so, I like eyes and wit over glutes any day of the week.
Photoshop or not, JLo and KK have completely disproportionate booty/waist – and it’s mind boggling.
The bubble butt is becoming the new beauty standard. Women are actually getting butt implants. It’s a thing. I kid you not. Or the less invasive option is buying undergarments with padding in them. (Think of the inserts in a padded bra, but on your ass…)
So much insanity.
Yeah, but when gravity takes its toll years later, that ginormous caboose won’t be so sexy. What a change from the heroin chic of Kate Moss!
Totally. Although I think there’ll always (for the foreseeable future, anyway) be a place for the waif/flat-chested/boy figure look in high fashion, the curvy/juicy bottom is what’s in outside of the world of super models.
And I just got a giggle out of visualizing a 70 year old KK, dragging her ass behind her because it’s hanging so low. 🙂
She may need a baby carriage in tow. 🙂
Wonder if Kanye will stick around for that.
I’ll go out on a limb and guess “no”.
Safe bet. 🙂
Haha, never had that, never will. I’m an apple- all my weight is in the middle.
I fight the apple, too, Cynthia.
Maybe one of these days the beauty standard will shift from big booty to big belly.
Yeah, I don’t think so either. 🙂
Haha! Comparison is the thief of joy! We don’t have to have “the best” booty on the block to be good enough, and smart enough, and have some of the people like us . . . some of the time. 😛
Now . . . shake that booty!
shake, shake, shake…
That’s what I’m talking ’bout, Willis!!!
😀
I get the point of the post – but what was with that ass grab in the video tease? It was either vulgar or they were pulling a load of poop out. I wasn’t sure and wasn’t willing to re-watch it to form a definite opinion!
I think it was the female equivalent of a male crotch-grab.
To me, and I’ve watched it a couple times since you pointed it out, it looks like a grab designed to spread the cheeks. 🙂
Sigh.
I’m getting old.
Oh, speaking of age (and to rub salt in my festering wound), JLo is 44.
44
What in the actual fuck???
She has made a pact with the devil.
There is no other reasonable explanation!
RIGHT??
I was reading this to procrastinate my climb around the neighborhood……Now I guess I’ll get moving……and still have a jiggly butt.
How is it possible that hers is so taut and yet jiggles like that when she dances. Mine is slack and yet refuses to jiggle when I attempt her moves?
Sorry I don’t get it either. Those pants made me want to take a Dramamine and I’m not even prone to motion sickness. I asked Thom his opinion (he’s sort of a connoisseur of such things) and his first comment was, “did you notice all the backup dancers had a bigger butt than JLo? I’m sure she did that on purpose?” Of course I DIDN”T notice that but if she’s paying the bill she can pick the dancers she wants. Bottom line…comparison IS the thief of joy AND maybe the solution is to pay women with bigger butts to hang around you and then you’ll feel great about your own!
Mine is actually small – but FLAT as a board. I’m looking for that pronounced bubble butt.
But, you’re right, those pants are heinous. 🙂
Ugh… how is it possible to have booty jiggle without belly jiggle??? Liposuction I guess but I’m not going there – it creeps me out!
OMG, you nailed it Lisa! What I want is the booty jiggle WITHOUT the belly jiggle!
And, I hear ya on lipo… Just peruse the news for reports of women that went in for a simple fat-sucking procedure and wound up dead. (Kanye’s mother, if memory serves.) Scary stuff.
Yep, even the laser/sono places are super dangerous. Stay away! If I had $1 for each time I’ve had to explain to someone why their great idea for a control panty that sucks in the tummy but has a thong back is bad news. Companies still try to produce them because of demand but hey the control has to have an anchor somewhere in order to work and the pressure on that little thong is pretty “creepy”. These media visuals are all smoke and mirrors leading normal women to some very unnecessary suffering. 😦
Oh dear…I’m visualizing all that excess from the tummy being controlled by a thong back. 🙂
p.s. I just found myself with a 30 min break between meetings and decided to see if there were any short hits on Fitness Blender. I found a 100-rep lunge workout (8 minutes) and then a 100-rep squat workout (10 mins) that I just finished back to back. I’m drenched in sweat and feeling like I did a little something towards a bubble butt. 🙂
Love that site! So many great workouts!
I spent some time going through their site yesterday, it’s great! Thanks so much for the tip!
My pleasure! I especially like that you can select what equipment you have/want to use (or not) – and the level of difficulty. Lots of ways to sort the workouts!
Remove the self-tanner, the lighting, and the special camera shots; put her in natural sunlight on the beach, water up to her knees; and I guarantee you her booty won’t look like that.
I wonder what an alien would think if they watched that video clip. And, if you’ll allow me a moment of seriousness, how lovely that this is what she chooses to put out there for our young daughters to emulate. Nothing like getting young girls to worry about having the perfect butt to keep them from pursuing the paths that might make them president one day. I preach to my boys that women should be respected and not be seen as merely a sum of their body parts. Videos like this make that message difficult. I don’t know about you, but if I went into the office in tight pants and kept shaking my butt, I might not be too respected professionally. Then again, if I did, I’d probably end up on You Tube! (Pediatrician gone wild…)
Carrie, I would pay good money to see you put pants like those on and do that dance (in an office or at home!)!!! 🙂
Seriously though, the recent twerking craze and the gratuitous SEX SEX SEX oozing out of every current (female) music video is a new level of crazy. To think how much flack and judgment Madonna got in the 90s for the cone bra and crotch grab. That was mild compared to the current insanity.
I couldn’t make my ass shake like that if I tried. (And I’ve tried, believe me — in the privacy of my own home.) On one level I’m in awe that she CAN do that. On another – I’m embarrassed for a 44 year old woman to feel that’s her only recourse to stay relevant in a world of 20-something pop stars.
“I’m embarrassed for a 44 year old woman to feel that’s her only recourse to stay relevant in a world of 20-something pop stars.”—Exactly! It’s like Jennifer Aniston having to perform a strip-tease in “Meet the Millers.” We know you look good, toots; now show us what else you’ve got.
Hear, hear.
As for me shaking it like that in public. Never. Gonna. Happen. Though I was car-dancing to Pitbull’s Fireball yesterday during my ten-hour solo car ride. Great song, but another demeaning video. Demeaning to women, of course…
10-hours solo? You are the woman, Carrie! Glad you made it safe and sound.
Thanks. I’ve made that drive to NH quite a bit this summer given my mom’s complication. I love long drives, but that love is starting to wear a little thin…
Hope she’s doing better, Carrie.
She had a set-back, but luckily she timed it while I was there. 🙂 Other than that, she’s doing all right. Thank you.
Hope it’s nothing but recovery from here on in.
Thanks. 🙂
Ha ha! I was watching Nicole Scherzingerehiosj-whatever’s video today, and thinking just the same thing actually! She was going on about some bloke but sort of romping around on the beach by herself spreading her legs and I just thought – erm, no 😉
Ooh…I need to look that one up now.
You’re welcome 😉
The straddling of the log wasn’t too suggestive was it?
Dry humping a log must be ‘in’ 😉
And, seriously, how could it not be?
Dry humping is the bidness 😉
Well, it’s certainly all up in her bidness. That’s for sure.
No matter how hard I work on my booty it still looks like natural cottage cheese. 🙂
I have never heard any complains from Big A however. I guess you can taunt & brag all you want, but what it really comes down to is are you happy and healthy? J-Lo can’t have my joy, but if I ever want to pose in an outfit like that, I will gladly take her photographer and make up artist!
I’ll take her trainer, her chef, her photographer, her makeup artist, her hair extensions person, etc., etc. 🙂
She has a big butt. She has always had a big butt. She will always have a big butt. Stop weeping.
Damn her good genes.
Sorry, but I was more mesmerised by the appalling (Latvian?) fashion sense than her booty! The woman is beautiful but JESUS! Sack the stylist! 😉
Horrible.
Yes. That is all. 😉
Oh, I’ve learned how to enhance the body image in photos…bigger, smaller, fuller, thinner – and I’m a complete amateur. Photoshop. Easy. Not saying that she’s not beautiful.., but agree with Carrie. Why does she have to do these “exhibitions”…Whatever she shows it nothing to weep over 😉
Intellectually I know this. Phyla holistically, it still messes with me. 🙂
Gotta love Photoshop – Just think of the shite films she has made. No arse can compensate for Gigli
Amen to that!
I can’t see my butt so I really don’t give it much thought. JLo’s hair however is a different matter.
Now THAT I know is courtesy of extensions.
ha! i love you and your quest for a big booty! I’m skeptical of anyone who loves their butt so much they have to write a song about it. 🙂
That’s the only thing you’re skeptical about with JLo? How about marrying Skeletor? How about her last song. I Luh You Papi.
Not love. Luh.
I could go on. 🙂
ps Happy Birthday lovely!
Don’t forget, Princess Kate’s sister Pippa inspired a rage of padded undies that will make your rump look like JLo’s, Beyonce’s, Pippa’s, and probably even Phyllis Diller’s. Get online, sister, and leave your ass comparisons behind you!
Now there’s some advice I can get behind!
Why, thank you amiga for depressing me as well! Jeeeez! This is 10 times better than Miley twerking! JLo can do no wrong that bitch! And did you happen to see her on the Music Video Awards??? Ridiculously hot! Grrrrrrrrr. The only thing I have in common with her is that I am Puerto Rican. That is it. Damn. Does Brick from the block sound good? How about BrickHo instead of JLo? Although Ho is probably not a good thing. Maybe Brickolicious? Or, BootyBrick or BrickBooty? Help me out here.
MoBrick!
Like Mo Money, Mo Problemz, but so much better. 🙂
I ❤ MoBrick!
LOVE IT! MoBrick, at your service!!