In my last post I gushed over you.
I oohed and aahed at how wonderful and supportive you are. I thanked you from the bottom of my heart for your many visits and likes and comments.
Basically I vomited hearts and flowers, and shat unicorns out my ass because you made me that happy.
Today, though, things changed a bit for me.
I still love you, and I am still grateful for your blog lovin’, but….please don’t take offense as I cautiously take a few steps backwards, and eye you more suspiciously.
You see, once again, I decided to have a look at my web analytics to see what search terms brought you little weirdos to my blog. And once again, you didn’t disappoint.
Top Ten Disturbing Search Terms (from the past 60 days):
You are a depraved and scary bunch.
10. “Best pad to prevent camel toe.” (I hope it was this woman. And I hope she got an answer, because this image is burned in my mind forever.)
9. “Does pure barre make you make vaginal noise?” (Sweet baby jeezus. Really??)
8. “Elliptical machine makes me cough.” (I used to think I was allergic to exercise too.)
7. “Selfie ass homemade” (These never end well.)
6. “Can pure barre affect your period?” (I don’t want to know.)
5. “Sweaty girls facebook.” (Mmm, give me some of that…)
4. “Ass huge hard 5 minutes.” (Huh?)
3. “Overhead panty peek pics.” (Ew. I need to go take a shower after reading this one.)
2. “Overcoming my fear of sweat.” (Sweat’s not so scary. Grow a pair, dude.)
1. “Spank the monkey nancy.” (Wow. Just wow.)
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Keep moving, ya sickos!