at the corner of zen and bullshit

Coming off my recent cleanse, and feeling oh so smug in all my re-booted and detoxified glory, I considered taking a trip to Whole Foods to restock my fridge and pantry with goodies of the organic and healthy variety.

What I love about Whole Foods is also what I hate about them. It’s the distinct air of general snootiness, with a soupçon of disdain, that hits you the moment you walk through those sliding glass doors.

It’s where granola-fed and antiperspirant-free employees mingle with toe shoe-shod and Chakra-aligned, BMW-driving, consumers.



I love both groups in equal measure. Every baguette-eschewing, PBA-eliminating, meat-shunning one of them.

Namaste to one and all.

Several months ago I read a Huffington Post article, by Kelly MacLean, about her own traumatic (for her) and hilarious (for us) Whole Foods experience. Every word resonated with me. She captured the very essence of my love/hate relationship with this place.

Mr. Enthusiasm came into the room to investigate what was going on when he heard me snorting, wheezing and crying with laughter.

I tried to read select passages to him, but kept hyperventilating in the process.

I finally stopped when I noticed I was actually wetting myself.

There is so much gold in her 1,000+ words, but one of my favourite excerpts is:

“Next I see the gluten-free section filled with crackers and bread made from various wheat-substitutes such as cardboard and sawdust. I skip this aisle because I’m not rich enough to have dietary restrictions. Ever notice that you don’t meet poor people with special diet needs? A gluten intolerant house cleaner? A cab driver with Candida?

Candida is what I call a rich, white person problem. You know you’ve really made it in this world when you get Candida. My personal theory is that Candida is something you get from too much hot yoga. All I’m saying is if I were a yeast, I would want to live in your yoga pants.”


Look, I am just as open to embracing all things healthy as the next gal. But I can also spot nonsense when I see it [including my own lemming-like adoption of many ridiculous fads and crazes].

I’m willing to own those mistakes and laugh at myself for buying into all the bluster and bullshit.

To those blowhards who actually believe their own hubris, I offer a gift: a video from our friends at Funny or Die. Perhaps it’ll inspire them to take it down a notch.


Keep moving,

xoxo nancy

72 thoughts on “at the corner of zen and bullshit

  1. Oi! what are you saying about people who wear toe shoes and drive BMWs?

    Ok…I only wear them to the gym, and we just sold the BMW but shhh!

    I completely agree really 🙂 it is important to see through the crap! there are more food intolerances in the world now than foods as far as I can tell!

  2. So, I’ve said “I almost spit my coffee out” a few times after hilarious posts that I’m now just gonna call them “coffee spitters” and this is one! Lol! I used to love Whole Foods when we lived in Chicago but always thought it was a bit uppity. Any health food store seems to have a bit of that air. I try to do well with food choices and shop those stores when the budget allows or just find the same items in the regular store, but still give my kid a fruit roll up from time to time. 🙂
    That video is too much! haha!! The golden rain…lol!

  3. Ha ha, I wonder if a golden shower in my third eye would do anything for me?? 🙂 Those leggings are way up in her bidness – nope, I’m still not over that! Oh, and ‘Not Janis’ sent me a message to say he really likes the blog and was looking forward to talking to me about more Latvian quirks haha! 🙂

  4. That video–oh, talk about cringe-worthy. But so funny.

    I’ve never been to a Whole Foods store. I eat healthy, but I don’t get all fou-fou. The basics are fine for me. It’s interesting how the gluten-free thing has taken off. Far more people avoid gluten than need to; it’s only a necessity in those with Celiac Disease (about 1% of the US population) or a gluten sensitivity (which is not nearly as common as the abundance of gluten-free products would have one believe). People equate gluten-free with healthier, but that’s not really the case. Yes, it’s healthier for someone with Celiac’s to shun gluten, but not somebody without the disorder. Many healthy foods risk getting eliminated from the diet if one eats gluten-free but doesn’t medically need to.

      • Seriously though, do you think most people go gluten-free because they see it as a weight-loss thing? I think that may be a big part of it. But, if so, why not just give up white bread and regular pasta? That seems the less drastic route, since – as you point out – there are loads and loads of healthy, but gluten-containing, grains that are actually good for us.

      • I think people just get caught up in the latest ‘health’ craze, usually touted by a celebrity, even if it’s not sound. Then, once the phrase is out there, it sticks in people’s minds as being healthy, without really exploring what it means.

  5. Way-ay-ay too much information!

    Our local Whole Foods have Bentleys in the parking lot and are filled with muppet women (80+ women whose faces are tighter than drums and and they never blink!) Oh, and some of them are wearing yoga clothes too….Now that’s scary!!! Give me Katherine Hepburn any day.

    It is ALSO a really good reminder to be careful if we wear leggings ANYWHERE!

  6. Bahahahahahaha hilarious. I am with you all the way on this, Nance. Some people get too wrapped up in their own bullshit. I read that Wholefoods piece too. It was awesome. And reminds me I need to go off and get some supplies from Organics on a Budget for my forthcoming detox LOL

    Wanker anyone? Lol

  7. Hahahaha!

    I am a complete Whole Foods addict. I complain about it constantly, but I always manage to find myself there every week. The produce is just so lovely that I can’t resist.

    To your collection of Whole Foods related humor, I add this number:

  8. Mr. Won’t Get Movin’ came into my office to see what I was laughing at! So hilarious! And finally explains what I experienced when I used to walk into Whole Foods when we still lived in MD. Here at the beach in Florida we don’t have a Whole Foods nearby, we’re not “there” yet 🙂

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  10. Your blog rocks more than ever. I’m so proud of you on so many levels. This post is no exception. I laughed my ass off. Thank you for making my life a better place to be. You remind me that I’m not alone. Rock on…

  11. I can’t believe you’re picking on us! You, with your enriched flour, and ability to eat grains that have never once been inside a humidity controlled handwoven hemp bag carried on the backs of virgin albinos from the Himalayas (by way of New Jersey)!
    I flick my soy decaf latte foam in your direction.

    (And nice to meet you!) 😉

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  14. OMG…this was awesome! I remember reading the Whole Foods post, too.
    I love to laugh…almost as much as passing out in yoga class. Thanks for leading me over here. I’m rolling on the floor – AGAIN!!

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