Today I had my best run ever. Ha! Never thought I’d type those words. Like ever.
It wasn’t the best because I ran super fast, or for a super duper long time. It was the best because when I was finished, I didn’t feel like puking or fainting. I wasn’t coughing up a lung. My heart wasn’t racing; in fact it never got higher than 156.
In short, it was the best run ever because I didn’t hate it every second that I was doing it. Now this…this, my friends is quite the victory.
I know running is not the be-all, end-all exercise in the weight-loss and fitness journey, but it certainly is the one activity that people seem to take the most pride in.
Think about it. When was the last time you heard someone talking about their killer workout on the elliptical? Or the rowing machine?
Arguably you can get a tougher workout on either of those machines [because you are engaging your upper body as well as your legs] yet, people never brag about those workouts.
Oh but they love boasting about their runs. You know exactly what I mean. We all know these people. If they’re not syncing their Nike +iPod doo-dads in their shoes to their facebook account for status updates with annoying frequency, they’re tweeting about how many miles, in how much time. Blah, blah, blah. Oh bite me.
And then there are the “funny” running quotes that you see on Pinterest, or on their t-shirts. You know the ones:
- “Your pace or mine?”
- “Fast girls have good times.”
- “Does this shirt make my butt look fast?”
- “Running: Cheaper than plastic surgery.”
The worst is the people who claim to love running. “Ooohh… I hate when I can’t run for a day or two. I miss it so much!”
Who are these
freaks people??? They can’t be normal. What normal person enjoys the sensation of having their full body weight slam against concrete (or grass, or sand, or a treadmill) over and over again, at a high rate of speed? It’s simply not normal to like this.
These people are not to be trusted. Trust me.
So, imagine my
surprise shock to find that during my 40 minute run (full disclosure, 2 minutes running, 1 minute walking at a 2.0% incline for the duration), I wasn’t ready to die [as I normally would be during even a 5 minute run].
No, I wasn’t whistling a happy tune or channeling Oliver Twist, asking “Can I have some more please?” in my best British accent. On the other hand, I wasn’t in pain. I wasn’t unable to speak due to shortness of breath. My heart wasn’t operating in the red/danger zone. In fact I felt like I had a lot more gas left in the tank. What??
And as I started to realize all this, I felt even better. I grew stronger, mentally, in the face of this empirical evidence that my body had grown stronger and more capable of doing this thing: running.
As I got to the end of my 40 minute run [still can’t believe I did that…], I decided to climb a mountain for the hell of it. At minute 40 I cranked my incline to 10.0% and dropped my speed to 3.5. Then at minute 45 I pushed it to incline 15.0%, dropping speed to 3.2. At minute 50 I brought it back down to 10.0%, back to 3.5 speed, and finished the final 5 minutes at 5.0%, 3.0 speed as my cool down.
I have never had that much sweat pouring from my body. I mean, face drenched, salty sweat in my eyes, forearms/elbows dripping. Dude, I had knee sweat. And please, I’ll spare you the details of the abundant boob sweat. My hair was so wet it looked like I just stepped out of the shower.
What the what? Who is this person?? And… she doesn’t hate running??? She might even actually kinda like the feeling of accomplishment she gets from running???
She is not to be trusted. Trust me.
xoxo nancy [aka Runner-in-Denial]
p.s. If I must have a favorite running quote, it would have to be, “You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack, or a sheriff.” ― Lemony Snicket